If there is a theme for my life this past year, it is the title of the post “Life…a steady melody with ever changing harmonies”. There are many reasons why this has been the case, but as I reflect on the fact that last Thursday marked the one-year anniversary of my mother’s passing from this life to eternal life – this theme just screams at me. How is it possible that a year has already raced by since we said “goodbye”?
This anniversary will continue to touch me for many years to come, but I want to look at another reason why this theme seems more poignant at this season of my life.
I have, and am, struggling very much with the loss of my youth. Now, before those of you who know my age – start laughing – let me explain. In my youth I had so much passion, optimism and dreams filled my mind. Although my youth is many years past…it has only been recently that I have realized that these passions and dreams are waning and fading with age. My life’s melody has remained one of help, caring, sharing and coaching. However, the harmony has been changing almost without my knowing it. What was harmonious with my life’s melody no longer is. I cannot keep going like the Ever Ready bunny….although once I could. I also should not do things that I can still do, but they may not be expedient for me. (When was the last time you wanted to take advantage of some quiet alone time in the house and began climbing around in the kitchen on a step ladder, or countertops, to clean something high? Once you were up there did you feel like you should have waited until someone else was in the house with you?)
As passions wane the harmony must become simpler so as to not overwhelm the melody. I am not trying to be negative or depress anyone, I am simply stating a fact. A fact that in my eternal optimism seemed to escape me until recently. Perhaps what I am becoming aware of is good because it is, after all, reality. But, does this awareness make me grab more tightly onto the days remaining, or does it press upon me like a crushing weight?
The answer is both depending on the day! I know you can identify. I am so thankful that God is faithful even on the days when I feel pressed in. I just don’t like it. I want to be more optimistic and I want to still have all the “gusto” I ever had…and that isn’t going to happen.
My melody still carries along with sweet notes of optimism, passion and dreams. But the harmony has changed, yet again. It is a harmony that grabs hold of all the things I have to be thankful in my life yet allows movement that is slower and more predictable.
Thank you that I can trust you, the composer of my LIFE SONG.
You have my life melody memorized but often re-write the harmonies as you deem best.
May I, in the midst of changing harmonies that I find uncomfortable, odd or even off-key… Find sweetness and joy in the every changing notes,
So that I can rest knowing my LIFE SONG will be one that glorifies YOU.